Some thoughts on the Tony nominees, or: "Wah! Wahhh!" how Harvey Fierstein finally hit an F# without falling flat

• How can I express the pleasure I derive from other people's unhappiness without sounding like an ass? I can't. So I'm not gonna try. Harvey Fierstein, your self-indulgent little bomber of a show was dissed Tuesday morning out of the big categories to the surprise of most Broadway pundits (aka gay Jew-males who own Macs and video blogs). I'm sure there was a howl similar to Patti Lupone's when she found out Glenn Close would replace her in the Broadway transfer of Sunset Boulevard. And I'm sure it woke up most of the upper-east side of Manhattan who weren't already enjoying their Starbucks mocha-chino and low-carb powerbar. I should be ecstatic (and I am), but as a result of the snub, my predictions were off by 25% and that sir, is unacceptable. How dare you simultaneously make me happy and sad at the same time! Who do you think you are? The Osmonds? How dare you.

• Why the hell is Cry-Baby making such a strong showing? Yeah, Young Frankenstein blows, but I'm sure it's better than the new John Waters-based musical about french kissing and the Cold War. Plus, YF has Sutton Foster and Andrea Martin. Cry-Baby has... James Snyder and Elizabeth Stanley??

• I hate the fact that the Pulitzer Prize winner is always announced before the Tony season has even come to a close. It takes out all the suspense for the Best Play category. Yes, August: Osage County got nominated. Yes, of course AugOC (pronounced 'og-ock' as I like to call it) will win. I'm sure its great. Not taking anything away from the play. Just from the Pulitzer people's bad timing (producers of Glory Days take note).

• My guess is Patti will perform "Everything's Coming Up Roses;" that way fellow nominees Boyd Gaines and Laura Benanti can join her onstage. Too bad Bernadette had to ruin "Rose's Turn" for Patti everyone. She should do it anyway, just to spite her. And for me. :-)

• No Cat on a Hat Tin Roof nominations. Bummer, I guess Terrance Howard will have to be pleased with presenting the award for Best Performance by a Leading Actress in a Play category. He should take a note from Julia Roberts ("You people are so freaking talented!" Why, thank you, Ms. Roberts. We're well aware.)

• I just realized I'm gonna have to sit through an abortion of a performance from Grease. Someone please rape me.

• Stephen Sondheim is just barely getting a lifetime achievement award? Does this mean that there will be a vintage video montage that features Angela Lansbury as Mrs. Lovett? One can hope...

• This post was a bit bitterly bitchy (note the fine use of both alliteration and first syllable congruence). I blame it on the late night and the early morning caffeine.
  
  

  PS Oh yeah, by the way, Harvey's show is called A Catered Affair.